I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
