So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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