yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
