I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
