My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
