I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
