she was so not down for the gang bang
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
