Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
