I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
