he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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