You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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