Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
