I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
