This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
