I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
