How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
