it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
