I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
