Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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