i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
