hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize