I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
