Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
