Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
