it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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