Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
