oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
