You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
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Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
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I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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