I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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