nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
