I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
