i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
