i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
