Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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