if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
