ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
