Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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