she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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