I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think people are normalizing furries
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
