I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
