That's intense
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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