I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
