Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
