i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
