i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
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I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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