wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize