You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
