I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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