Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
