Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
