Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
