Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
