they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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