If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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