And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
