Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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