i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
foreskin is a definite game changer
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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