I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
