that's an acceptable place to lick
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
