i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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